# Pastebin t3naSuu8
11:20 AM <~barredowl> alright
11:21 AM <~barredowl> i definitely enjoyed a lot of the parts with the parrot (although sometimes the rhymes sorta obfuscated the dialogue a little), but there are some parts which i'm kinda confused about
11:21 AM <BlueJones> First impression: Am very impressed with this. Like, I really enjoyed seeing the parrot's dialogue and his... haiku? Is it haiku? I like it regardless :D
11:22 AM <+cybersqyd> the parrot is fun yeah
11:22 AM <~barredowl> for instance, why was the guy a homunculus all this time? i was a little surprised by that but i didn't really see what pointed to that
11:22 AM <+cybersqyd> i've always felt like this is really missing something but i've never really been able to explain what
11:22 AM <+cybersqyd> i believe the dude was a spy
11:22 AM <+cybersqyd> like, keeping eyes on the Foundation on behalf of his hell masters
11:23 AM <red3> That's what I thought, yeah.
11:23 AM <BlueJones> Agreeing with cyber, I came to that conclusion as well
11:23 AM <~barredowl> i guess the dialogue signified something was off with that guy on first blush, but i really don't see a solid justification for that? might've skipped over something which would explain that
11:24 AM <+cybersqyd> well, I think also the implication is that O'Brien specifically has been replaced to try and capture the demon bird back
11:24 AM <BlueJones> Or kill the bird
11:24 AM <+cybersqyd> and like, return it to hell so it can be punished for insurrection
11:24 AM <~barredowl> well maybe
11:24 AM <SharpEmbrace> i feel like this is kind of a boring article
11:24 AM <~barredowl> that might be an interesting perspective to take
11:24 AM <SharpEmbrace> the birb is introduced and then nothing really happens
11:24 AM <~barredowl> some parts were a little dull sometimes
11:25 AM <red3> SharpEmbrace: That was my main criticism. There are some comedic bits which I liked, but overall the story is bland and very unoriginal.
11:25 AM <~barredowl> yeah, there isn't a lot of depth beyond that, i guess i'd say
11:25 AM <SharpEmbrace> i don't care about the demonic intrigue bits, because the rhyming bullshit gets more focus
11:25 AM <SharpEmbrace> it's fun, sure, but really insubstantial
11:25 AM <+cybersqyd> yeah, I mean, I guess; the demon bits are the main thrust of the story being told though
11:25 AM <BlueJones> Honestly, I'm an easy to impress guy, so its easy for me to upvote if I had fun reading
11:26 AM <~barredowl> which i will say, sometimes the rhyming of it obfuscated some of the substance in the bird's interview
11:27 AM <+cybersqyd> yeah
11:27 AM <~barredowl> i think that might just be a problem with how i read things though.
11:27 AM <~barredowl> not sure
11:27 AM <~barredowl> i'm very iffy about this
11:27 AM <+cybersqyd> i kinda like it just cos there's a real charm to it but yeah
11:27 AM <~barredowl> there is some charm, yes
11:28 AM <~barredowl> but there are some parts which feel messily handled
11:28 AM <SharpEmbrace> I don't find it charming, to be honest.
11:28 AM <~barredowl> like the reveal that o'brien was a homunculus
11:28 AM <~barredowl> SharpEmbrace: i'm sorta on the edge on whether i find this charming or not
11:29 AM <SharpEmbrace> the homunculus bit feels like an out of place twist
11:29 AM <BlueJones> I'd light upvote cause I enjoyed the text of the rhyming birb, the interview, and the demon birb killing o'brien, but after seeing what you guys said, I can see how it would be bad or not as well done... but I still had fun reading it regardless
11:29 AM <~barredowl> it might be a light upvote or a light downvote, i'm undecided
11:30 AM <~barredowl> i think there's some potential here, but a lot of it is a little... clouded.
11:30 AM <+cybersqyd> mmm
11:30 AM <+DrAkimoto> While I got a sec I'm Going to chime in just to say: (<• cybersqyd> well, I think also the implication is that O'Brien specifically has been replaced to try and capture the demon bird back) that's correct. other than that, no comment really
11:31 AM <~barredowl> hey, get outta here >:p
11:31 AM <+cybersqyd> i think the homunculus bit is a weird twist that's not quite set up enough; and i think it's also not impactful enough here just because...there's not really an obvious thing that like, it implies as a result?
11:31 AM <~barredowl> cybersqyd: yeah, that's my position
11:31 AM <+cybersqyd> like it feels like it should be a moment of like 'fridge horror' say where you put together like, 9 leaps of logic to reach a startling conclusion
11:31 AM <~barredowl> i wasn't really caring about o'brien so it doesn't make sense, but i guess it was good misdirection or something?
11:31 AM <+cybersqyd> and instead feels a little too like 'okay but so what'
11:31 AM <~barredowl> yeah, i'm not sure
11:32 AM <SharpEmbrace> yeah, it doesn't do much beyond re-instating that there are entities working against the birb
11:32 AM <SharpEmbrace> and it doesn't have enough build-up for it to have any impact?
11:32 AM <~barredowl> mhm
11:32 AM <+cybersqyd> mm
11:32 AM <red3> barredowl: Misdirection implies that there are hints that this may be the case, but are intentionally framed so that the reader misinterprets them. In this article, there are no hints besides the acknowledgement that the demons exist in the first place.
11:33 AM <~barredowl> yeah
11:33 AM <~barredowl> see, another problem i have with this are that the interview and the discovery addendum feel very disparate in styling? i mean, that can be fine, but it felt a little jarring here?
11:33 AM <SharpEmbrace> i feel like the description and conprocs could have been better utilised to make this more powerful, because the ending seems not that related to the beginning 
11:33 AM <+cybersqyd> yeah
11:33 AM <SharpEmbrace> like, we don't have strong early setup for it
11:34 AM <red3> Yes, the first addendum sets up a comedic SCP, and while it does have some of those elements, the ending diverges into a twist which was no impact at all on the reader.
11:34 AM <~barredowl> the conprocs and the description feel entirely non-contiguous with the addenda
11:34 AM <SharpEmbrace> it's all like, "look at this demon he does demon stuff"
11:34 AM <SharpEmbrace> which feels unnecessary?
11:34 AM <+cybersqyd> The description does setup the homunculus being burnt at least ("This lattice is specifically used to repel other demonic entities from directly interacting with the cage.")
11:35 AM <SharpEmbrace> ah yeah, i guess i glossed over that
11:35 AM <~barredowl> but it doesn't really feel like that part of the description will ever come into use later?
11:36 AM <+cybersqyd> yeah, i mean, it's...there but it's not like, prominent or anything
11:38 AM <DianaBerry> Hi sorry I’m here now! (Probably too late, had school work to do)
11:38 AM <~barredowl> all in all, think this is a light downvote from me. a lot of potential, but the individual parts don't gel well together and support each other
11:38 AM <~barredowl> and DianaBerry, that's fine!
11:38 AM <+cybersqyd> hey Diana :3
11:38 AM <~barredowl> really, it just feels like different parts mushed together with some descriptive similarities
11:38 AM <+cybersqyd> mm
11:38 AM <~barredowl> and that can lead to a confusing kind of story
11:38 AM <+cybersqyd> i can see that
11:39 AM <red3> I don't think this narrative has much potential as is. There's a lot of stories where it's a demon that escapes from Hell and then is dragged back by some agent, and I don't feel like this adds enough to that narrative trope to make it interesting. A major overhaul of the story would need to occur for me to like it.
11:39 AM <~barredowl> hmm yeah
11:39 AM <~barredowl> i think i agree with that
11:40 AM <DianaBerry> Hi! So what are we looking at?
11:40 AM <~barredowl> we're looking at aki's stuff
11:40 AM <red3> SCP-5601
11:40 AM <@Secretary_Helen> red3: SCP-5601: Despite All My Rage, I'm Still Just A Bird In A Cage (Rating: +46. Written 6 days ago By: DrAkimoto) - http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5601
11:40 AM <red3> Looking at this currently, but I think we've delivered most of our thoughts.
11:40 AM <~barredowl> yeah, i think that's a case
11:40 AM <~barredowl> we're gonna wrap up, say our final words, then take a quick 5-7 minute break
11:41 AM <~barredowl> personally, i think i've got my opinion across
11:41 AM <~barredowl> anybody else want to say any final words?
11:41 AM <BlueJones> I already spoken, I enjoyed this cause I found it cool so I'd updoot it
11:41 AM <SharpEmbrace> The last paragraph is really wack
11:41 AM <SharpEmbrace> like, tonally it feels out of place
11:41 AM <DianaBerry> I apologize for being so late.
11:42 AM <~barredowl> the ending paragraph feels a little strange too, yeah
11:42 AM <SharpEmbrace> DianaBerry: it's all good dw bout it
11:42 AM <~barredowl> feels completely out of the blue
11:43 AM <~barredowl> but hm
11:43 AM <SharpEmbrace> i don't really feel like them hiring the birb makes much sense in the demon mystery plot
11:43 AM <~barredowl> so you think that's all our words? want to take a 7 min. break?
11:43 AM <~barredowl> yeah