# Pastebin fi9gw6Ju 12:09 PM Alright, so what are our first impressions of this article? 12:09 PM <+cybersqyd> I liked it 12:09 PM I really like this article 12:09 PM <+cybersqyd> It's a pretty fun kinda, overview of Mr Night and the Spirit 12:10 PM <+cybersqyd> the MC&D format is...not necessarily great for telling a story and I think the decision to not really here was good 12:11 PM The items that Night sold all sound like they do belong with the Spirit, a mobster's choice of anomalies for their preferred methods, as well as the email that Dark sent was really neat 12:11 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah 12:11 PM I feel like this falls into the same trap as the first article, where it only seems to be a list of items that Mr. Night will probably get back later on. It's basically a collection of band-aids for plot holes that might happen in the future without any charm or style to back it up, since the MC&D format is very dry. 12:13 PM <+cybersqyd> I like the setup of the 'ring of secrets' at least 12:13 PM <+cybersqyd> it produces an interesting plot hook for future stuff 12:13 PM But again, it just seems like an explanation for why Marshall, Carter, and Dark are all mysterious figures that seem to have powerful anomalous abilities. 12:13 PM The ring of secrets and the fedora are neat concepts 12:14 PM <+cybersqyd> Explicitly only Dark tho 12:14 PM <+cybersqyd> "I trust you would do the same for the latest of my Marshalls or Carters, should anything happen to me." indicates that they're probably regular folk, at least to me 12:15 PM Maybe, but placing it with a bunch of other objects that are just magical D&D items, but gangster-fied gives the reader the impression that it's the same thing. 12:15 PM <+cybersqyd> also that Mr. Night says it's only of interest to Mister Dark and not all three of 'em 12:15 PM But that's probably because Dark is Night's brother. 12:16 PM <+cybersqyd> *shrugs* sure but I still think it'd be of interest if the other two were the same kind of non-human entity 12:16 PM To me, that kinda sets up my headcanon that Dark isn't normal whereas Marshall and Carter are. The items, while I agree that they are like D&D but gangstered, is still neat to read 12:16 PM <+cybersqyd> either way, it's pretty interesting to me 12:17 PM And on that note, I don't really like how the final note is presented. We're still in the very early introduction phases for the characters, so I feel like having it revealed to the reader isn't the best idea since the reader has no emotional attachment to Dark in this story. If it was played more straight with Dark making familial references right away, it would work a lot better. 12:19 PM Hmmm now you say that, it does make sense 12:20 PM It's trying to hit the audience with an emotional punch, but it's only reared back, like, an inch so it feels more like a tap. Now, there are stories that are like the Bruce Lee of writing where that one inch can impact the audience (The thing that comes to mind is maybe The Color Purple?) but this doesn't have the shock factor to pull that off. 12:21 PM <+cybersqyd> I'm...really not sure it is aiming for much of an emotional punch? Iunno, I see it as a nice slice of life-esque thing 12:22 PM Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But I think that the way it's presented is trying to make it seem like a reveal with how Dark only mentions the fact that they're brothers in the final paragraph and the closing signature. I do think it still hits that slice of life aesthetic, though. 12:23 PM I feel like if Night were to keep making familial references throughout, then we'd instantly get it and have the impact be less impactful imo. I do like the theme that stormbreath was going for in this 12:23 PM Hmm, perhaps. 12:24 PM Are there any other topics about this someone wants to bring up or should we move into our final thoughts? 12:24 PM Like from what we observed, the theme has been more light-hearted, and I do like that this kind of stuff is being done through the use of GoI formats 12:27 PM In short, I upvote it for the nice set of items and the final note from Dark 12:27 PM For me personally, this lacks the charm that I saw in the first tale, due to the constraints present in the new format it's using. While some of the items are cool, I can't see past the fact that they're just things to fix plot holes and give Night a convenient excuse to do anything he wants, rather than having to devise some clever solution. And the note at the end doesn't hit me emotionally and the item list is 12:27 PM boring. 12:27 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah. the items had charm. 12:28 PM <+cybersqyd> i never particularly saw the items as things night used so much as things he made for the spirit to use 12:28 PM <+cybersqyd> hence 8 skeleton keys 12:29 PM I see that, but that still means that it falls into the trap of just being magical items. 12:30 PM <+cybersqyd> I mean, the items are interesting cos they kinda...give an overview of how the spirit operates based on what they do; and in turn, Nights reaction to them gives insight into the internal turmoil of the gang 12:30 PM <+cybersqyd> where you see that the most powerful member doesn't particularly enjoy all their methods 12:31 PM You mean like the Egyptian scarab beetle item? 12:32 PM <+cybersqyd> all of 'em 12:32 PM → +RageComic (voiced) joined 12:32 PM <+cybersqyd> when Night says "But a crown is superficial", he's implying he thinks the Spirits use of force is false power 12:32 PM I guess I can see a little bit of that, but there's not enough conflict for me to really care about Night's feelings towards the methods of the Chicago Spirit since all we get from him is a few short snippets of text which mostly just describe what each object does realistically. 12:33 PM <+cybersqyd> "Tragically, the Spirit had poor taste in spirits.": he's critiquing their entire operation here and suggesting their moonshine wasn't that great 12:34 PM — +cybersqyd shrugs 12:34 PM It does leave a good portion of Night's personal opinions which can be open to interpretation 12:34 PM <+cybersqyd> Iunno, I found it did enough with it to be charming and interesting 12:34 PM <+cybersqyd> it's the kind of, very minimal storytelling I dig a lot 12:34 PM <+cybersqyd> and which you see reflected in some of my writing *looks at ghostyard* 12:35 PM I think you're looking too far into these quotes. The first one just states that the crown is superficial because everybody thinks that gangsters should carry massive guns, but that's impractical. For someone like Night, they just need something that'll get the job done. That same metaphor could be applied to something like the Foundation expecting everybody to wear labcoats, but one person doesn't and so that person is 12:35 PM critiquing the Foundation's use of coldness and blankness as a form of subjugation for its members. 12:35 PM <+cybersqyd> perhaps 12:36 PM Well, there's minimal storytelling and then there's just looking at the blue curtains for too long. If there's no hints that this is meant to be a giant metaphor, then it isn't a metaphor in the eyes of the reader. 12:36 PM But then again, these quotes could mean something beyond "Oh yes, I remember using this. Not fun" if that makes sense 12:38 PM Well, then that's just going with a 50/50 about whether the author meant for it to be a metaphor, and Occam's razor suggests that the quote simply being a quote is more likely in this scenario. 12:39 PM That's fair point of view