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ANAHEIM, CA — The Disneyland Resort announced today the launch of its upcoming “Year of a Million Blowjobs” promotional campaign, a bold new initiative intended to celebrate the recent ascension of longtime Disney executive Josh D’Amaro to the position of Chief Executive Officer.

Beginning April 1, 2026, and continuing through March 31, 2027, guests visiting the resort will be invited to ascend to the famously exclusive Club 33, where Mr. D’Amaro will personally receive oral sex from willing participants eager to demonstrate their mutual love of Disney magic.

“It’s showtime, baby,” Mr. D’Amaro said during a brief press appearance Tuesday morning, grinning broadly as photographers snapped pictures and a visibly strained public relations team attempted to usher reporters out of the room.

Although the promotion is currently scheduled to run for one year, officials hinted that the celebration could continue beyond the initial timeline if the campaign’s ambitious target of one million completed “guest interactions” is not reached.

“I can see this going on for quite some time,” said one operations manager familiar with early planning discussions. “Indefinitely, even. Mr. D’Amaro is very determined to reach his goals.”

According to internal planning documents circulated among senior leadership, the initiative has already been incorporated into departmental performance metrics. Several teams have reportedly been tasked with developing scheduling infrastructure, participation tracking systems, and daily reporting dashboards designed to monitor progress toward what internal memos refer to only as “the million-unit target.”

Entire divisions have had their KPIs quietly aligned around supporting the effort.

“There are dashboards,” said a mid-level manager who spoke on condition of anonymity. “There are weekly progress calls. We’ve had three different strategy meetings about optimizing throughput. At some point people stopped asking whether this was actually happening and started asking how to make it scalable.”

Publicly, Disney leadership has framed the campaign as an innovative form of guest engagement.

In a prepared statement released shortly after the announcement, company representatives described the program as “a natural evolution of immersive storytelling and executive accessibility.” The statement also emphasized that participation would remain strictly voluntary and that the company remained “deeply committed to preserving the magic that guests have come to expect.”

Privately, however, several employees described a very different atmosphere inside the company’s Burbank headquarters.

Two individuals familiar with recent leadership meetings said the initiative was introduced abruptly during what had been scheduled as a routine strategic planning session shortly after D’Amaro assumed the chief executive role. According to both sources, the proposal was delivered without preamble.

“He just said it,” one attendee recalled. “Like it was already decided.”

Another person present at the meeting said the room remained silent for several seconds afterward.

“Everyone sort of looked around,” the person said. “And then somebody started nodding.”

Within days, internal task forces had been formed.

Planning documents reviewed by reporters show that departments across the company were quickly instructed to begin identifying ways their existing operational frameworks could support what executives were now referring to simply as “the initiative.” Several teams were reportedly assigned to develop guest participation logistics, queue management protocols, and new performance indicators tied directly to program output.

By the following week, progress reports had begun circulating.

Not everyone within the company was comfortable with the new directive. According to multiple sources, at least one closed-door board meeting became heated after several members demanded clarification about the program and its legal implications.

Witnesses say one senior board member slammed a stack of briefing papers onto the table while asking whether anyone in the room intended to stop what he described as “the most catastrophic decision in the company’s history.”

The confrontation reportedly ended without resolution.

“He just smiled,” said one person familiar with the exchange. “And then everyone else in the room started nodding again.”

In the weeks since the campaign’s announcement, preparations have continued at an accelerating pace. Internal communications reviewed by reporters suggest that participation targets have already been incorporated into quarterly performance reviews across multiple departments.

Several employees say the shift has produced a strange new atmosphere inside the organization—one where open concern has gradually given way to quiet accommodation.

“At first people thought it was a joke,” said one longtime staff member. “Then people thought it would get shut down. Now people are mostly just trying to stay out of the way.”

When asked directly about the criticism, Disney representatives declined to comment on internal discussions but reiterated that the company remained confident in the program’s long-term vision.

At press time, Disneyland officials confirmed that reservations connected to the initiative’s first weeks of operation were already fully booked, with internal projections suggesting participation rates well ahead of early expectations.

Privately, several employees admitted they were no longer sure how the program had begun—or how it might ever end.