# Pastebin D2KR32j3
<•barredowl> coolio. so, first impressions y'all?
11:56 AM <BlueJones> This is very interesting. I gave it a brief read when mal said to read this (cause I was like wicked tired) but reading this in full detail and having a more active imagination helps this all the more. Its like reading how everything is slowly coming together
11:56 AM <•barredowl> this feels... very dramatic, and almost like a piece which is supposed to bridge two events together. admittedly, i think it does this very well, but i'm debating whether the actual tale provides enough substance itself.
11:56 AM <•red3> I liked the ending. It definitely set the stakes higher and got me invested better than a lot of other tales that try something like this. I'm not a fan of the changing perspectives since I didn't get the chance to really know any of them. Once I read enough to sort of understand their character, the scene changed and I was introduced to an entirely new character.
11:57 AM <•red3> barredowl: Yeah, this article definitely feels like a bridge between two story beats.
11:57 AM <MalyceGraves> Admittedly, this is written specifically for the people that read each of the pieces that the Four represent
11:57 AM <•barredowl> and yeah. i liked the ending a lot. at points the middle points, where all the different characters were being notified that this big thing was coming up, felt a bit /too/ cliche? but overall i think the prose had a nice forward energy to me.
11:58 AM <MalyceGraves> This is very much not a standalone piece
11:58 AM <MalyceGraves> but it is important to understanding this stage of the Canon
11:58 AM <•red3> Mm. I could feel that.
11:58 AM <•barredowl> yeah.
11:58 AM <BlueJones> This tale certainly brought the canon into going "We are going on one heck of a train ride, so buckle in buckeroos!"
11:59 AM <•red3> As for the prose, I wished it had more variation. Every sentence felt too long for my tastes, so everything felt like it dragged on.
12:00 PM <•barredowl> debating this with myself internally, i think what this piece builds up /can/ compensate for the somewhat lackluster substance this has when taken as a stand-alone.
12:00 PM <•barredowl> (i should note, i don't think that's what this piece is trying to be. just sorta judging this on its own merits a little, and what it does for me)
12:00 PM <•barredowl> and i do agree with red that a lot of the prose might need some varying. i noticed some borderline run-on sentences here and there.
12:03 PM <•barredowl> other than that? i don't have a lot to really say about this that i haven't said already. i definitely do like it a lot.
12:04 PM <•red3> I'm not sure what else to say on this article. It got me interested in what the thorn did, so it did its job, but I wished that it did a little more than that. Granted, it's a transition chapter, so I might be asking for too much.
12:04 PM <•barredowl> yeah. i think that mirrors my thoughts.
12:04 PM <BlueJones> To me, I had fun reading this. It is, as I have said, made me go "Okay, things are going to 11 sharp" and I like that rather than the slow pace we see in some canon tales/skips so this is a big fat updoot from me.
12:05 PM <•red3> I'm at a novote leaning towards a downvote. I can't in good faith downvote this, but I don't like it as a standalone article.
12:06 PM <MalyceGraves> This is an argument that I don't actually like
12:06 PM <MalyceGraves> I've had it several times now and it's frustrating
12:06 PM <MalyceGraves> This was never meant to be a standalone article
12:06 PM <MalyceGraves> It's very specifically placed within a Canon
12:07 PM <MalyceGraves> and even more so, it's a summary of the stuff that happened in Act 1
12:07 PM <•red3> Mm, yeah. I agree.
12:07 PM <MalyceGraves> I would absolutely agree that as a standalone piece this wouldn't work. But not everything is MEANT to be a standalone
12:07 PM <•barredowl> yeah
12:07 PM <MalyceGraves> You don't pull out a random chapter from a book and say "wow, this sucks as a shortstory"
12:07 PM <•barredowl> that sorta echoes my thoughts.
12:08 PM <MalyceGraves> I get that a lot of pieces here NEED to stand alone
12:08 PM <MalyceGraves> but I think holding that standard to pieces set within a canon is kinda silly
12:09 PM <•red3> That's more of a problem with the RRT as a system.
12:10 PM <MalyceGraves> RRT?
12:10 PM <MalyceGraves> nevermind
12:10 PM <MalyceGraves> I know what that means now
12:10 PM <MalyceGraves> Excuse my momentary lapse of mental function
12:10 PM <•red3> You're in 😎