# Pastebin 1ATQIyBI 1:30 PM <•OCuin> barredowl: thanks! http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/ocuin-critbox 1:30 PM it's the uncollapsed one at the bottom 1:32 PM <•barredowl> > Individuals who are repeatedly affected by SCP-XXXX may be remanded to Foundation custody at Site-32 following approval of Senior Researcher Dr. Ebha McCaffrey. Such individuals are only to be operated on following the approval of Dr. McCaffrey. 1:32 PM i find it a bit strange that both of these sentences end with a mutation of "following the approval of Dr. McCaffrey" 1:33 PM i would personally try to switch up one of the sentence's structure so that you don't bump into this kind of problem 1:33 PM ⇐ Purplayoss quit (~cgiirc@synIRC-735EF218.mobile.uscc.net) Quit: CGI:IRC 0.5.11 1:33 PM <•OCuin> ah, good point, I'll fix that now 1:34 PM <•barredowl> > [[footnote]Ranging from a few minutes to over an hour.[[/footnote]] 1:34 PM broken footnote code 1:34 PM <•OCuin> oops, thanks 1:34 PM <•barredowl> place two ]'s after the first footnote 1:35 PM <•OCuin> fixed 1:35 PM → •DarkStuff (halfopped) joined 1:37 PM <•barredowl> general note, the number of addenda goes 1, 2, 4, 3 instead of 1, 2, 3, 4 1:38 PM <•OCuin> oh lol, fixed 1:41 PM <•barredowl> alright, finished. give me a couple to collate my thoughts 1:42 PM <•OCuin> cool, no rush 👍 1:42 PM → red3 joined (uid433405@synIRC-19727E51.charlton.irccloud.com) 1:43 PM <•barredowl> i think my main concern with this is, you're trying to focus on an emotional narrative w/ mccaffrey, but a lot of things are obfuscating that from clearly delivering itself 1:43 PM — •OCuin nods 1:44 PM <•barredowl> for one, i'm not entirely sure if segmenting this into separate addenda feels, right to me? like, typically addenda feel sorta separate from each other, and having them be in succession with one another and also trying to tell a story feels off. 1:44 PM i'm thinking about how this particular formatting issue could be solved: maybe a table? i'm really not 100% sure 1:45 PM <•OCuin> hm, would just making them one addendum work or is that too wall-of-text-y? 1:45 PM <•barredowl> part of me thinks that that could work? 1:45 PM but ultimately i'm indecisive 1:46 PM <•OCuin> i'll give that a try for now, might try turning it into a post-mortem report type thing if that doesn't work 1:46 PM <•barredowl> i also don't really feel a lot in regards to sympathy towards mccaffrey. though i will ask, what are you shooting for, in terms of illustrating their mental state/emotional arc? 1:47 PM <•OCuin> initially it was that she's taking on too much work and that causes her to develop anxiety of some sort 1:48 PM recent changes it have pushed it more in the direction of she backs away from her work following a number of mistakes 1:48 PM and when forced back in, she has a panic attack 1:48 PM <•barredowl> hmm. 1:49 PM in that case, i feel like how you lay that out in the addenda is very... detached 1:49 PM like, yeah, it's a clinical document, that does happen to some degree cause of the medium. but here it feels, strangely not a big deal that they're going through this 1:49 PM idk 1:49 PM <•OCuin> i see what you mean 1:50 PM it's from an outside perspective, hers doesn't get included, and the emotion is only implied 1:50 PM <•barredowl> yeah; and that's a tricky thing to figure out, especially for a short article 1:51 PM — •OCuin nods 1:52 PM <•OCuin> i'm increasingly feeling turning it into a report of some kind on the whole thing, you think that could work? 1:52 PM → •DrFullham (halfopped) joined 1:52 PM <•barredowl> possibly 1:53 PM though, at some point you might bump into a barrier wherein the length you're shooting for is obfuscating the emotional weight you're wanting to express 1:53 PM Is there anyone particularly experienced with idea critique here? 1:53 PM <•OCuin> hm, true 1:53 PM <•barredowl> like, if you feel you can't really explain mccaffrey's emotional arc given this length, i would say to consider whether its length is really, what you're shooting for? 1:53 PM Yossipossi: i am 1:54 PM <•OCuin> yeah 1:54 PM <•barredowl> well, i think i am. don't know what people think externally 1:54 PM but it's my bread and butter i think 1:54 PM <•OCuin> i very much went into this intending to make a short article, but you're right about it limiting the emotional arc 1:54 PM <•barredowl> yeah 1:55 PM barredowl: Would you mind looking over what I have for How To Write An SCP 3.0 and letting me know if there's anything I could add to or change about the "Developing Ideas" tab? 1:55 PM <•barredowl> hmm 1:55 PM i have to tend to something with calibri; after that i'll be open 1:55 PM <•OCuin> i think i'll have to play around with the formatting and so on a bit 1:55 PM thanks for help barredowl! 1:55 PM <•barredowl> OCuin: do you have any remaining questions you want me to answer? 1:56 PM aight 1:56 PM <•OCuin> nah, all good. 'twas very helpful though!