# Pastebin 0OUNfApJ
12:19 PM <~barredowl> okay, so
12:20 PM <~barredowl> first impressions, y'all?
12:20 PM <BlueJones> I like Alai's portrayal here
12:20 PM <~barredowl> i do, too
12:21 PM <~barredowl> i think the characterization here is really excellent.
12:21 PM <+cybersqyd> I think it feels, perhaps, a touch too character driven?
12:21 PM <red3> It's a decent introduction, if really cliche. There's some parts in the middle where it teases with exploring the Site rather than the character, so that threw me off a little bit for what the purpose of this article was, but overall I liked it.
12:21 PM <~barredowl> i thought it was fun to see the antarctic and the foundation cultures clashing.
12:21 PM <+cybersqyd> Like, I upvoted it cos I *like* the character but it feels...narratively like there's not a lot happening?
12:22 PM <~barredowl> yeah, i feel like at this point in the series it may be a little too character-oriented?
12:22 PM <~barredowl> but it is dipping into that narrative pool.
12:22 PM <~barredowl> i personally wasn't bothered by that a little.
12:22 PM <BlueJones> Narratively speaking, not much beyond a high school first day student being lost kind of thing but charactar speaking it spoke nicely
12:22 PM <+cybersqyd> I...am conflicted
12:22 PM <~barredowl> red3: yeah, i wish we could have explored some of the site more with our main character's commentary
12:22 PM <+cybersqyd> in isolation, I think it's fine but it really feels like it needs to start actually telling a story soon?
12:23 PM <~barredowl> cybersqyd: definitely.
12:23 PM <red3> The first article set this up as more of a series than a canon, but the way that this is introduced makes it feel more like a canon again.
12:23 PM <~barredowl> hmm.
12:24 PM <~barredowl> see, the reason i liked the ensemble tale at the beginning was because it was a very good way of setting up the events for the canon/series
12:24 PM <~barredowl> but maybe that might just be the case for the entire series? just, a bunch of setup and no real payoff? that's my worry, anyway.
12:24 PM <+cybersqyd> yeha
12:24 PM <BlueJones> I do love that a majority of the staff aren't bothered by the alien in the room. Like, not even being repulsed by the fact that Alai is not human and are like "Eh, go read some books, have fun with it"
12:25 PM <~barredowl> wait, is alai human? i may have glazed over that.
12:25 PM <+cybersqyd> oh yeah the characterisation here is excellent
12:25 PM <+cybersqyd> > To the outside observer, Alai would have looked like a befuddled tropical fish that had somehow managed to swim hundred of miles inland just to land in the middle of a cement hallway. 
12:25 PM <~barredowl> indeed.
12:25 PM <~barredowl> characterization is on par.
12:25 PM <+cybersqyd> just, delightfully written
12:25 PM <BlueJones> barredowl: I mean, she has three pairs of arms for starters
12:25 PM <~barredowl> oh wait
12:26 PM <~barredowl> man, i totally missed that ;p
12:26 PM <~barredowl> i am not a good comprehensive reader
12:26 PM <SharpEmbrace> am i the only one who forgot which character this name was associated with
12:26 PM <+cybersqyd> nah, i forgot too
12:26 PM <BlueJones> SharpEmbrace: Nope, I forgot as well
12:26 PM <~barredowl> i realized it was the scholar pretty quickly, actually.
12:26 PM <+cybersqyd> which, I think, is the weakness of the way part 1 introduced everyone?
12:27 PM <~barredowl> i thought since the character traits were pretty similar (i.e. bookworm, inquisitive), i figured it out somewhat quickly.
12:27 PM <~barredowl> but i can definitely see how that would be a problem.
12:28 PM <BlueJones> I knew Alai was on the plane cause I recognised the name but I forgot her title or role from the first one
12:28 PM <+cybersqyd> see, to me the issue was that the first one set up so many folk that like. i lost track of 'em all?
12:28 PM <+cybersqyd> also im bad at names
12:29 PM <~barredowl> yeah, i'm bad at names too
12:29 PM <red3> Branching off from Owl's point, I don't think that this was a particularly good way to expand Alai's character. She essentially turns from an overexcited bookworm to an overly nervous bookworm who has some pangs of doubt sometimes.
12:29 PM <~barredowl> yeah.
12:29 PM <~barredowl> i'd say some of that is a little squandered here.
12:30 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah
12:30 PM <~barredowl> the disparity is kinda noticeable looking back.
12:30 PM <+cybersqyd> it's weird that it exists?
12:30 PM <+cybersqyd> both tales where published literally on the same day
12:31 PM <~barredowl> huh, didn't take that into consideration.
12:31 PM <DrMoned> Maybe it was done on purpose?
12:31 PM <red3> The disparity in character?
12:31 PM <DrMoned> To show her struggling to acclimatise 
12:31 PM <+cybersqyd> red3, yeah
12:31 PM <+cybersqyd> DrMoned, perhaps? it feels...odd cos surely she'd be struggling in the weird setting of the plane too tho?
12:31 PM <~barredowl> but then again this was from a contest so ;p
12:31 PM <DrMoned> It may have been a conscious decision 
12:31 PM <red3> In the first tale, Alai was surrounded by other people like her on the plane and was probably excited about the opportunity of leaving at all. In this tale, it feels like she's really facing the initial ramifications of her decision.
12:31 PM <DrMoned> cybersqyd I attribute that from adrenaline wearing off
12:31 PM <red3> DrMoned: That's what I'm thinking.
12:32 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah maybe
12:32 PM <DrMoned> If you were going on holiday you would be really excited
12:32 PM <~barredowl> and the first one was co-authored and the second one not
12:32 PM <DrMoned> but upon arrival, it is very confusing and different
12:32 PM <~barredowl> so maybe some external factors rubbed off with the alia disparity?
12:32 PM <SharpEmbrace> she doesn't realise she is a fish out of water until she starts drowning
12:32 PM <+cybersqyd> on the flip side: the disparity existing really draws attention to the first one; like, i get her character changing situationally but it feels weird to introduce her in such a different way?
12:33 PM <+cybersqyd> like, if the purpose of tale 1 was to introduce all the characters and what they're like, it then feels weird to immediately subvert that in tale 2?
12:34 PM <red3> I think the bubbly introduction gives her a kind of motivation. She's really, really excited to study the new world, so it's probably going to be what drives her. It also helps push Alai to get on with the narrative, since most likely her desire to learn is going to be greater than her anxiety.
12:34 PM <~barredowl> i interpreted it as alia being excited at first, but as she's confronted with more and more of the foundation, she realizes just how nervous she is?
12:34 PM <+cybersqyd> (also fwiw barredowl, per the author page on the first tale: "Alai and Lucrezen (and the intro/outro) were written by me [Djoric, author of tale 2]")
12:34 PM <~barredowl> yeah.
12:35 PM <red3> If she was introduced as being really anxious, then having her push back her fear almost immediately would be a lot more weird and immersion breaking.
12:35 PM <~barredowl> just thinking out loud here.
12:35 PM <~barredowl> red3: yeah. it's a nice dynamic character moment for here.
12:35 PM <~barredowl> *her.
12:36 PM <~barredowl> but i can see how it may come across as way too different and out-there for some people.
12:36 PM <+cybersqyd> mm, i'm not sure how i feel about it
12:36 PM <~barredowl> hmm.
12:37 PM <red3> This article helped quell a little of my anxiety surrounding having characters act differently without immediate justification. I feel like if there isn't a direct cause to the character acting different, then the reader will be disorientated. Seeing this pull it off so smoothly does give me confidence, though.
12:38 PM <~barredowl> yep, i can definitely see that.
12:38 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah; it's very nicely written in terms of character; and I think the change works here even if I do still think it's a touch odd stylistically
12:38 PM <~barredowl> this does give me some interest as to where the series will go from here, or canon.
12:39 PM <red3> See, that's the biggest problem I have with this. It doesn't give me much interest to see where it will go. There's no narrative hook to show that anything beyond what this character is experiencing should be important to me, so I'm growing more and more disinterested with each sentence.
12:39 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah, I feel that red3
12:39 PM <+cybersqyd> like, I'm up for reading more
12:40 PM <+cybersqyd> but I'm not gonna be if it doesn't begin to feel more purposeful?
12:40 PM <~barredowl> hmm.
12:40 PM <~barredowl> yeah, i kinda do have that worry myself.
12:40 PM <~barredowl> i'm wondering if the rest of these will be like, character pieces.
12:40 PM <+cybersqyd> i...don't know how i'd feel if they all were
12:40 PM <~barredowl> i think this is a tentative upvote from me. i generally enjoyed the character moments in this, but i do have my worries about how the narrative will progress.
12:41 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah
12:41 PM <BlueJones> Mhm, I like this tale as way to show off the character and the differences between the two worlds. I also like how the Foundation doesn't treat Alai nor her companions on the plane any differently because their different (then again, I'd have expected this from the GOC more than the Foundation but they were the ones to find the Empire first) and it makes me intrigued to keep reading cause I love character pieces
12:41 PM <+cybersqyd> it's weird: normally I wouldn't want to like, base my vote on other works here but it feels like this is setting up a house of cards and like if they can't all pull their weight, they'll all fall together?
12:42 PM <~barredowl> indeed.
12:42 PM <~barredowl> this is definitely going somewhere.
12:42 PM <+cybersqyd> so like, if these first two parts end up building into something good, it'll be a hard upvote; but if they end up feeling like they didn't go anywhere, then it'd be a downvote
12:42 PM <~barredowl> i just wonder if the series is going to do anything with that inertia.
12:42 PM <red3> Well, that's the nature of longform narratives. If one part of it is bad, it drags everything else down.
12:42 PM <BlueJones> I'd upvote this, but I'd like to echo owl and say I hope we get a world building article than a character article cause as much as I love character pieces, I'd wanna learn more about the world we are in
12:42 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah
12:42 PM <red3> But if one part's good, then it brings everything else up.
12:43 PM <+cybersqyd> tbf, with something like e.g, the cool war, i didn't feel so much this way? but idk if it's just cos there's a lot more narrative meat in each of it's parts?
12:44 PM <DrMoned> I think this canon is trying to fit smaller self contained stories in the same space
12:44 PM <red3> Well, Cool War is basically just a bunch of prompts that don't connect to each other.
12:44 PM <+cybersqyd> like, where even if the place it ended going was bad, parts of the journey where good; whereas here it feels like a slightly shaky start to the journey?
12:44 PM <DrMoned> It isnt really alike to other canons per say
12:46 PM <~barredowl> so you think we should jump into our final thoughts, or do you think we should keep this going?
12:46 PM <+cybersqyd> i don't have much else to add
12:46 PM <+cybersqyd> iunno about others tho?
12:46 PM <BlueJones> Me either, I already said my thoughts on this. Although, I also found the Dr. Quail to be... a tad bit weird
12:46 PM <~barredowl> yeah, i think i made my point somewhat clear; that while i do like the characterization in this series, it feels like we're not done. we need something to build up to.
12:47 PM <~barredowl> i think i'm gonna upvote for now, but if this series doesn't go anywhere, i might return and downvote :/
12:47 PM <DrMoned> Sounds fair
12:47 PM <red3> Oh, Blue reminds me, there was some great subtle foreshadowing of Quail's character when Ed asked if Alai was a talkative type. It fit right into the dialogue, made sense narratively, and only hit me after Quail was introduced.
12:49 PM <~barredowl> so yeah, that's pretty much all i got.
12:49 PM <red3> I'm going to keep my upvote on this one, both because I enjoy character-based stories and this was short enough content-wise that I didn't feel like my time was too wasted. I would definitely like to see some form of larger narrative, so we'll see when we read the later articles.
12:50 PM <+cybersqyd> yeah
12:50 PM <BlueJones> Mhm, agreeing with Red. Upvote :D
12:50 PM <~barredowl> yep, agreed there red.