{"body":"11:17 AM Alright, how about we start with our opening thoughts on this while we wait for Blue to finish up?\r\n11:18 AM Well, here's mine. Think it was, like many stories I read here, interesting. There's just things who are a little bit difficult for me to figure, but at the end, that was pretty pleasant.\r\n11:19 AM <+cybersqyd> it's not personally a story telling style I vibe with; but it is an interesting story so\r\n11:20 AM I really liked the changing perspectives here. There was always a little tidbit of character or an introduction to each perspective change, whether it be the men behind the door in the first iteration, the UIU in the second, or O'Sullivan in the third. I noticed that there were a lot of pacing problems, especially during the UIU section. A lot of the information given doesn't really contribute to the story and doesn't \r\n11:20 AM foreshadow the death of the villain very well.\r\n11:21 AM <+cybersqyd> yeah, the UIU format was a bit of a slog\r\n11:21 AM <+cybersqyd> i think it's generally an issue with the UIU format as a whole? it's...not great\r\n11:22 AM Yeah, it might just be an issue with that format in general.\r\n11:22 AM Finished and I do find this interesting. I assume the winged women are something to do with Hytoth (seeing as it was tagged with Hytoth) and I guess I'm missing a bigger picture here? Cause I'm not seeing a connection with UIU here\r\n11:22 AM <+cybersqyd> wait did you just read the first chapter, blue?\r\n11:23 AM <+cybersqyd> there's four offsets here \r\n11:23 AM ... oh\r\n11:23 AM I thought it was just the one tale\r\n11:23 AM <+cybersqyd> (which means this piece is long enough we probably should've read it ahead of time)\r\n11:23 AM Rip.\r\n11:23 AM <+cybersqyd> it is; it's just, one tale divided over four pages\r\n11:24 AM Well I feel like a big dumdum. Apologies\r\n11:24 AM <+cybersqyd> dw about it\r\n11:26 AM No worries. The writing itself was pretty good, although the tone in the second iteration was difficult to parse. I don't entirely understand the connection to honey here, or anything sweet. I imagine that it's meant to be a metaphor for the American dream(?) which the guy uses to lure in new victims, but it feels like not enough time was spent on it.\r\n11:31 AM <+cybersqyd> does anyone have anything in particular they want to add here? I'm struggling to come up with much to say about this one\r\n11:32 AM I think it's related to the American Dream, the letters in the first chapter were written in 1915, it was the time when many immigrants were traveling to America, with Ellis Island and all that shit.\r\n11:32 AM (and thanks to my classes for learning me that)\r\n11:33 AM (I go to dinner)\r\n11:33 AM That's true. This article is another good example of having different parts that don't exactly connect with one another, but have one or two threads that allow the reader to make the jump between them.\r\n11:33 AM <+cybersqyd> yeah\r\n11:33 AM <+cybersqyd> hmm\r\n11:34 AM <+cybersqyd> do y'all think this would be stronger or weaker if it was four separate articles instead of one article spread over four pages?\r\n11:34 AM <+cybersqyd> like, does that choice impact this in any way?\r\n11:35 AM I think, in this case, it would really hurt to story to space it out into four different articles. While they are fairly independent of each other, they're still not independent enough to stand on their own.\r\n11:35 AM Honestly, I kinda thought that was the whole point of the first offset, I had no idea that it was just one story and not just a series as i said\r\n11:36 AM <+cybersqyd> hm yeah I can see that\r\n11:37 AM Does anyone have any closing thoughts for this article?\r\n11:39 AM Not really\r\n","name":"Land of Honey","extension":"txt","url":"https://www.irccloud.com/pastebin/xJhgQJ2B/Land+of+Honey","modified":1592247248,"id":"xJhgQJ2B","size":3827,"lines":33,"own_paste":false,"theme":"","date":1592247248}