{"body":"<•barredowl> coolio. so, first impressions y'all?\r\n11:56 AM This is very interesting. I gave it a brief read when mal said to read this (cause I was like wicked tired) but reading this in full detail and having a more active imagination helps this all the more. Its like reading how everything is slowly coming together\r\n11:56 AM <•barredowl> this feels... very dramatic, and almost like a piece which is supposed to bridge two events together. admittedly, i think it does this very well, but i'm debating whether the actual tale provides enough substance itself.\r\n11:56 AM <•red3> I liked the ending. It definitely set the stakes higher and got me invested better than a lot of other tales that try something like this. I'm not a fan of the changing perspectives since I didn't get the chance to really know any of them. Once I read enough to sort of understand their character, the scene changed and I was introduced to an entirely new character.\r\n11:57 AM <•red3> barredowl: Yeah, this article definitely feels like a bridge between two story beats.\r\n11:57 AM Admittedly, this is written specifically for the people that read each of the pieces that the Four represent\r\n11:57 AM <•barredowl> and yeah. i liked the ending a lot. at points the middle points, where all the different characters were being notified that this big thing was coming up, felt a bit /too/ cliche? but overall i think the prose had a nice forward energy to me.\r\n11:58 AM This is very much not a standalone piece\r\n11:58 AM but it is important to understanding this stage of the Canon\r\n11:58 AM <•red3> Mm. I could feel that.\r\n11:58 AM <•barredowl> yeah.\r\n11:58 AM This tale certainly brought the canon into going \"We are going on one heck of a train ride, so buckle in buckeroos!\"\r\n11:59 AM <•red3> As for the prose, I wished it had more variation. Every sentence felt too long for my tastes, so everything felt like it dragged on.\r\n12:00 PM <•barredowl> debating this with myself internally, i think what this piece builds up /can/ compensate for the somewhat lackluster substance this has when taken as a stand-alone.\r\n12:00 PM <•barredowl> (i should note, i don't think that's what this piece is trying to be. just sorta judging this on its own merits a little, and what it does for me)\r\n12:00 PM <•barredowl> and i do agree with red that a lot of the prose might need some varying. i noticed some borderline run-on sentences here and there.\r\n12:03 PM <•barredowl> other than that? i don't have a lot to really say about this that i haven't said already. i definitely do like it a lot.\r\n12:04 PM <•red3> I'm not sure what else to say on this article. It got me interested in what the thorn did, so it did its job, but I wished that it did a little more than that. Granted, it's a transition chapter, so I might be asking for too much.\r\n12:04 PM <•barredowl> yeah. i think that mirrors my thoughts.\r\n12:04 PM To me, I had fun reading this. It is, as I have said, made me go \"Okay, things are going to 11 sharp\" and I like that rather than the slow pace we see in some canon tales/skips so this is a big fat updoot from me.\r\n12:05 PM <•red3> I'm at a novote leaning towards a downvote. I can't in good faith downvote this, but I don't like it as a standalone article.\r\n12:06 PM This is an argument that I don't actually like\r\n12:06 PM I've had it several times now and it's frustrating\r\n12:06 PM This was never meant to be a standalone article\r\n12:06 PM It's very specifically placed within a Canon\r\n12:07 PM and even more so, it's a summary of the stuff that happened in Act 1\r\n12:07 PM <•red3> Mm, yeah. I agree.\r\n12:07 PM I would absolutely agree that as a standalone piece this wouldn't work. But not everything is MEANT to be a standalone\r\n12:07 PM <•barredowl> yeah\r\n12:07 PM You don't pull out a random chapter from a book and say \"wow, this sucks as a shortstory\"\r\n12:07 PM <•barredowl> that sorta echoes my thoughts.\r\n12:08 PM I get that a lot of pieces here NEED to stand alone\r\n12:08 PM but I think holding that standard to pieces set within a canon is kinda silly\r\n12:09 PM <•red3> That's more of a problem with the RRT as a system.\r\n12:10 PM RRT?\r\n12:10 PM nevermind\r\n12:10 PM I know what that means now\r\n12:10 PM Excuse my momentary lapse of mental function\r\n12:10 PM <•red3> You're in 😎","name":"Et Ecce Equus Pallidus","extension":"txt","url":"https://www.irccloud.com/pastebin/D2KR32j3/Et+Ecce+Equus+Pallidus","modified":1596827463,"id":"D2KR32j3","size":4597,"lines":39,"own_paste":false,"theme":"","date":1596827463}